How could something this beautiful, be wrong?

    As a member of multiple minority communities (disabled, neurodivergent, queer, etc.), I often surround myself with like minded folk who I can connect with deeper. This unfortunately means that sometimes, I tend to “forget to remember” that people outside of my circles still exist.

    Last night, as I lay in bed in the arms of my fiancé, I had one of these “surreal” moments. We were laying in bed after a long and hard day. She was exhausted from work and chores and almost asleep. I was laid across her breasts and shoulders, holding her head closely and massaging her hair. Her hand clasped my wrist and her thumb drew circles on my hand as she drifted. As I started to drift into sleep myself, I felt my body grow heavier and melt into hers. We were one in that moment, perfectly blended and sharing a moment of love, bliss, peace, and hushed whispers of sweet nothings and affirmations of love. A rare form of intimacy that just forms on its own and and builds this intense, emotional moment in time. I smiled in my half-sleep state and pulled her tighter. For awhile I just existed and let myself feel her warmth. I drew outlines of our bodies in my head with my eyes closed and could not find where she ended and I began. I was surrounded in warmth and comfort and love. I could’ve passed peacefully in that moment.

    But as the waves of sleep started to roll in and my ADHD brain started wondering, an intrusive thought slipped through the cracks in the barrier of bliss. “Wow…..there are people out there who would have me and her killed for this.” My heart saddened slightly and I kissed her hair. See, my fiancé is Trans and pansexual. I'm nonbinary/Trans and bisexual. So we are both trans AND gay. I thanked my lucky stars that we are both ostensibly in a safe-ish part of the world, and I snuggled closer.

    I kissed her shoulder and thought, “How could anyone think something this beautiful, could be bad? This woman saved me from a 10 year abusive relationship. She helped me and my 4 year old escape. She provided me a warm and safe place to grow into myself and explore and become me again. She encourages me everyday to grow and treats me with such gentleness. She provides a guiding hand, and a comforting shoulder. She lets me stumble and fall and mess up and work on myself, but never let’s me fail. She’s always there, ready to lift me up and put me back on my feet. She’s shown me more love and acceptance than anyone in my life ever has. Our relationship is the healthiest I have ever been in. The way we communicate, there is no room for misunderstandings or arguments. We talk about everything, from the hard, to the easy, to the fun. Hell, one of our relationship “motto’s” that we say to each other is “the good, the bad, and the ugly. Forever and Always.” She is my rock. She saved my life and showed me what it means to live for ME again. I have happiness and security in my relationship. I have individuality and freedom that I haven't felt in over a decade. This is true happiness. So how on earth could this be wrong?”

    I pushed the thoughts aside and gave myself fully to the moment and soon drifted to sleep in the arms of my girl. But I woke up with that one thought still on my mind. “How could anyone say this is wrong?”

    Logically I understand of course. I understand the views of others, and cultures, religion, etc. But mentally I just can’t seem to grasp it.

    Maybe, if I get it all down on paper, I can push it aside for now and continue living in ignorant bliss.